A King's Life
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
what better for a poet, than to be hurt in love..:)))
How wonderful to trade superficial joy,
With meaningful hurt, sometimes.
But sometimes it hurts so much,
That meaning makes no sense at all,
And the most pompous bitch seems like an angel.
How aesthetic to barter a day of profitable jabbering,
With gazing silently at the sundown for a few moments,
But after day comes night,
Silent deep and dark,
And pop sounds like soul.
How wiser than to chase dreams in a Merc,
To sit upon a rock in a brook rumbling by,
Before silence catches up in the wind's
Ominous ruffle of the leaves,
And a jittery salmon seems more content.
How easier than to love one with your life,
To be loved by many,
Until impermanance beats you to it
And as streetlights whizz past casting memories on your face,
You realise, they are not even yours.
----------------
Deal me a hand Johnny
And let there be a Queen in it
One who I wouldnt trade
For all the Aces in life
But you are a mischievous prick Johnny
You slipped in a whole pack of them
And now for all the Jokers who greet me
I dont know which one to date
Maybe I will be King of them all
But mostly, I will Jack it all up
Like a blind man playing strip poker
With Spice Girls
Now atleast,
Make me lose Johnny!
-----------------
Oh sadness, sweet sadness
Ever cherished your sorrow
Like it was the only moment worth living
Clinged to you pain, and never felt so joyous
Being stuck in a desert, and never wanting out
Ever looked ugly, and never felt more beautiful inside,
Got a bad deal, but it made you satisfied
Were taken for a ride, and thought it was to heaven
Hurtling down a heap of odds, and never felt more even.
Ever had your engine die in the middle of nowhere
And thought you had finally arrived
Seen a frown,
And thought smiles curve the same way
Been left for another, and felt so content to be
Your ego squashed mercilessly
But didnt want to be-little the incident
Been stepped all over, and thought it was a massage You didnt have to
pay for
Ever felt alone, but connected with the world's umblical,
A loser, who smiles at himself in appreciation
Been rejected, but not wanting to prove anything
Ever felt happy to be sad
And wanted the feeling to last
Destiny is a cheesecake you can do without,
For breakfast atleast....
Thursday, July 18, 2002
Didn't know 'being in love' is a state of mind u inherit, after u break up!
Monday, July 15, 2002
http://web.icq.com/43066933
Friday, July 12, 2002
Losing out to 100 organsms!
What would u say if ur girlfriend came up to to one day and said, hey, i cant be with u anymore coz yesterday night I slept with this guy who made me come over 100 times in 7 hrs!...:)) On my part, I called the guy and gave him my girl....afterall, who wants to compete with 100 orgasms, huh..;)
Wednesday, July 03, 2002
To Rachel on July 2, 2002
Hey, must say I am beginning to really enjoy writing to you...but I guess it is also coz I dont have many other ppl to talk...;)..hope u dont mind.
Hmm....i met diana yesterday, and we went to thai connection to eat..wow, what a cool place and really good food...a bit on the expensive side, but what the heck. So yes, after a week of telling me that she has something to tell, she finally lets it out...ofcourse, I had guessed it, but unless she said it I couldnt be sure...she is seeing someone. But uknow rachel, i am glad to be friends with her, she is such a nice girl. We also spoke about whats happenig between u and sherrin and though it is easy and stuff to understand what is going on, I guess thats all one can do right. In all, it was a really nice conversation, with me speaking most of the time..;))
Another terrible story I have for you - Mr Kartik has now officially become a drug peddler! Yes, after he figured that he cant get himself a job, and probably also thinking that a life of just dealing is easy and requires little work, he borrowed money from friends, went to goa, and picked up a large amount of mdma. Now he is waiting for the next party to launch his newfound career. Juhi did tell me about him going to goa, but not about him buying such a large quantity, and it was only yesterday that afro told me, with glee on her face, since she thought that now her problems with finding stuff were over. I was really really shocked and saddened that a friend has stooped so low, and basically is carving out his path to the jail. Uknow, I have observed dealers closely and have been good friends with some, and if anyone has a worse time in life it is them. Kartik thinks it is a rosy life, but rachel I know for sure that it is the shittiest. For one, what he doesnt know! is that u cant just go to any party and deal. U have to first speak with the guy making the party and also give him some sops for letting u make money out of his party. Second, there is competition, and nasty one at that. Third, once anyone buys from u, they lose all respect for u and treat u like dirt, and everytime they meet u again, all they will speak about is whether u have any. Any if any one dealer gets busted, ur name will somehow surface, and then either u go underground for a while or land up in jail and answer thousand questions, even if, luckily, at that time, u had nothing on you. What he also does not know is that the first time he hears about a delaer getting busted, it is over for him. He will never fuckin sleep in his life again. Each time the lift opens on his floor, he will wake up and look through the keyhole. I have seen guys do it, and become so paranoically suspicious about everyone and everything, that actually it is more mental trauma than slogging ! ur ass at some job and earning peanuts. Hmm..I can go on and on, but what hurts me most is that he is putting other peoples' lives at risk, and for no fault, and profit, of their own - Juhi and Jit (his roommate) and his girlfrined Reema dont even know what they are getting into by being and staying with him. Shit! It almost makes me angry and I think the least I can do is atleast make them aware of the risk no.....
.....Ok so I went for lunch with jit and told him what I had to, and he agrees with me, and says that if kartik buys any more next time, he will surely take some concrete steps. So now we all hope that nothing goes wrong this time!
Hey i am feeling very sleepy after lunch and will find something else to do. I hope you are having a good time, and know that I am missing u a lot. I just want u back baby, and fasssssssst!
love
samrat
To rachel, my friend who is travelling thru US, on July 1, 2002
Hmm...good to know u opened ur mailbox just to hear from me..:)) atleast someone in the world does that for me still...:))
Too much happening here right now, and lots to tell..so the good news first. I had a meeting with big boss today and he wants me to revamp Ascent completely - no more just lift-offs from foreign websites - he wants me to study the HR market and advise a new look and feel. He is prepared to spend more money and dedicate resources specifically for the purpose. He even suggested that I leave the second project I have and concentrate entirely on this - travel to various top-notch companies in the country and study their HR policies. Wow no..:) Yes, I am terribly excited about it all. I was feelin a bit low for turning down Asad's lucrative offer of managing his entertainment mag (and the sal was more than twice what i earn now), but now I think it was worth it. I was going to suggest to Asad that I make a demo-issue for him, fine-tune it through comments and suggestions from industry experts, and then he can even take it to adevrtisers before coming out with the first is! sue - all for a consultancy fee ofcourse. I think he should have liked the idea, since it would have saved him the time and effort of first finding an editor and then also to find advertisers, but lets see now, i have this new thing...and also since I dont know much about HR, I have a lot of reading and research to do. Good thing is, my sis is an MBA (HRD), so I get to read all her books..:))
Some bad news - Good gavin may not be so good afterall. Sat night, for the first time in the history of this city, a major club decided to do what i thought they should have done long time ago - host a trance night. Fire got a big israeli dj to play on sat night. I called zarin to ask her what she was doing that night and she told me about this and 'said' (as against asked) that we are all going..:). We were to meet up in the evening and go together and she was also arranging for the pills (guess what, for the umpteenth time, someone stole my pill!!! I think i am jinxed with keeping leftovers uknow, and never once has a pill not been stolen from me after a party). So anyway, I go to your house (afro was to come there too) and call zarin. She picks up the phone and goes "Do u think Gavin is havin an affair?!?!?!!" Shit, I say, and ask her what she means. So she says that since she's been back that morning, hes been acting strange and her freinds are telling her that he's s! eeing someone else. She confronted him and they had a fight and then he left with the car. She then started crying, with me telling her that she shouldnt believe her friends and take Gavins word for it. She basically supports him and thinks that the least she can expect from him is faithfullness, though I tell her that she can expect that even if she wasnt spending the money..:)) So anyway, it was a bad note for the night and left a sour taste in my mouth. She later sms'ed next morn though, saying that he came back after sometime, while she was away, and that I shouldnt say a word about what we spoke to him. Hmm..wot to say no...I was immediately thinking about the conversation we had and found it ironic.
So we decided not to go too, but since we hadn't eaten, thinkng ofcourse that we might be popping some in the night, afro and me decided to just go and check it out and if it wasnt happening, we just eat some food and come home. Well, our guess was right...500 bucks just entry! and all sat night lovy-dovy crowd..laura and d were there too, and thinking just like us...so we sat out for a while, ate something, afro threw up, and then we came home..:) So now I think that if u want to have trance nights on sat then u first got to nurture an audience and ppl hv to get used to it, and u dont charge 1000 bucks a couple entry!, when the one next door is asking 800 with 600 cover. Thats no way to promote a night no. Anyway, never was I more glad not to enter a club, and besides, there is some swedish guy at thu in mikanos and one from ibiza on fri.
Sun chillout, juhi and naren (yes!, but he begged since they had no other place to go) came to see match, and later afro and her mom came too...then we went to shatranj for dinner and then home to crash. Slept well, and today is a beautiful day, especially after the meeting...:))
Wots the ishtory on yer end baby? Tell me interesting things. I know it still hurts and u miss him a lot, and it is only fair for you to atleast hope things are going to be fine one day, and I really really hope they do, but u shd try to think of other things as well, and enjoy ur holiday as much as u can, since I am sure, once u r back, u have so much to do, and so many things to take care of. So relax ms sacks..;), or, for want of a better rhyme, take the chill pill and and sit on the sill..hahaha. Even I am to be doing the same no..;))
So pls send a warm thought to zarin the confused, and gavin the accused, and sherrin the befuddled, and samrat the cliffhanger, and afro the maladjusted, and her mom the disgusted, and I am sure by the time ur done, u'll be hot enough to be the new diva indian filmmakers have been lookin for..hahaha...what shit! ok, time to go...:). write soon.
Love
samrat
